36 Super Funny Quotes



36 super funny quotes to brighten your day:

1. "I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." – Steven Wright

2. "I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands." – Steven Wright

3. "I'm on the whiskey diet. I've lost three days already." – Tommy Cooper

4. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right." – Unknown

5. "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." – Steve Martin

6. "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised." – Unknown

7. "I'm writing a letter. I can't write it in person." – Steven Wright

8. "My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them." – Mitch Hedberg

9. "I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not too sure." – Unknown

10. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on my energy-saving mode." – Unknown

11. "I'm not saying I'm Wonder Woman; I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together." – Unknown

12. "I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." – A. Whitney Brown

13. "I'm not clumsy. It's just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in my way." – Unknown

14. "I'm not short; I'm concentrated awesome." – Unknown

15. "I don't need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning." – Unknown

16. "I'm not late; everyone else is simply early." – Unknown

17. "I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it." – Unknown

18. "I'm not arguing; I'm just explaining why I'm right." – Unknown

19. "My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do." – Unknown

20. "The early bird can have the worm because worms are gross and mornings are stupid." – Unknown

21. "I'm not addicted to coffee; we're just in a committed relationship." – Unknown

22. "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised." – Unknown

23. "I'm not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them." – Unknown

24. "I'm not shy; I'm holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you." – Unknown

25. "My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry." – Unknown

26. "I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing." – Unknown

27. "I'm not old; I'm just well-seasoned." – Unknown

28. "I'm not saying I'm Wonder Woman; I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together." – Unknown

29. "I'm out of bed, and dressed. What more do you want?" – Unknown

30. "I'm not arguing; I'm just explaining why I'm right." – Unknown

31. "I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it." – Unknown

32. "I'm not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them." – Unknown

33. "I'm not lazy, I'm just on my energy-saving mode." – Unknown

34. "I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." – A. Whitney Brown

35. "I'm not saying I'm Wonder Woman; I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together." – Unknown

36. "I'm not arguing; I'm just explaining why I'm right." – Unknown


I hope these brought a smile to your face!

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